Be Gentle with Yourself

You are enough already

Today I go back to work. It’s Monday, November 18th. I’ve been out of work since Monday, September 9th, which was two days before my right side mastectomy. In the last few weeks, and even more so in the last few days, I’ve felt a slew of emotions ranging from excitement to fear of getting back to my normal, day-to-day routine and grind. Perhaps I am anticipating the loss of my new normal.

For the last two months, I’ve been resting, healing, and relying on the support of others. As I transition into my new routine, or old routine, I know that it will feel different, because I’m different now. With everything I’ve gone through I’ve learned so much in so little time. I tell everyone it’s been a whirlwind, because it has.

I’ve learned the value of rest. I’ve learned what it means to take care of myself and also to ask for help. I’ve taken the time to reflect, live deliberately and reassess my values and vision that I have for this beautiful life I’ve been given. I’ve learned to hone in on my gifts from God – the gift of communication, writing, creativity, and resilience. I am strong. I am healthy. I have faith. I am resilient.

This has been one of my favorite seasons in my life. When I first discovered I was diagnosed with a subtype of a breast cancer, my entire world changed right in that moment. Everything went fast and slow at the same time. My first instinct was to lean on others, to build up my army of support. My family and friends and loving boyfriend have been incredible throughout this challenging trial in my life. And that’s what it is, to this day, a trial and a testament to my ability to face challenges and deal with the curve balls life throws at us. I refused to identify myself as someone who has cancer. No. I didn’t have cancer. I was dealing with cancer, because it was not a part of me, and it wasn’t there to stay. It was going to be gone soon and forever. I just had to go through the steps and grow through the process.

As I settle back into my day-to-day, my goal is to be gentle with myself. EmpowerU, the amazing mind, body, and soul retreat I attended in early November gave me the insight to transition into the next season of my life. The voice in my head that says I’m not enough is something I mock now. Who is that voice to boss me around and make me feel small, when I am meant to take up space and shine bright in this world? I laugh at that voice. I used to take it so seriously and would cower in the shadows when it’s nastiness had its grip on my soul. Goodbye, nasty voice in my head. You’re a joke, a fool, a menace. Good riddance.

I am strong, I have faith, and I am healthy. I am enough. Even as I face the demands of the daily grind, I am enough. I will show my weakness, I will ask for help, and I will share my gifts un-apologetically.

I am ready for you, Monday. I love you, Monday. I am at peace with you, Monday.

Let’s get it.